Pregnant at 16

He started to take over every inch of me.  I didn't want to hang out with friends I just wanted to be with him even if it scared me.  If I were to hang out with friends I would have just been accused of doing something I wasn't anyway.  So, the majority of the time I just played it safe and stayed home waiting for him.  He went to a separate high school so he began to meet new girls.  I started hearing rumors that he was cheating on me.  I knew deep down in my heart that he was, but I never wanted to believe it.  

At the age of 16, I became pregnant.  He was aloud to sleep over so it didn't come as a surprise. I know what parent would let their abusive boyfriend sleepover their house?????  Again, I can't answer that!  I remember the day we went over his parents house to tell them.  It wasn't a surprise to them either. They all asked me what I wanted to do??? I was 16 years old I had no clue the huge responsibility that I was about to face.  I had no medical insurance whatsoever.  You would of thought that his parents would have at the least offered to help pay or make him get a job!  My mom was then responsible for the entire bill which included prenatal care and labor/delivery.  Throughout my pregnancy I became depressed. We grew farther and farther apart.  My friends that I had pushed away had nothing in common with a pregnant girl.  I was alone.  I went to school everyday and came home and slept. As it got close to the birth of our baby he began to come around again.  Things seemed like they were getting better. I remember the night I went into labor I called his house and told his mom and she told me he had to go to school the next day and didn't think he would be there.  He did come though.  Immediately, that next morning in the hospital I remember him coming up with a friend and leaving after a couple of minutes.  It was almost like a toy to him.  But, it was so real to me.  This baby just came out of my body and I felt every movement for 9 long months.  It was more than real.  

The Beginning

Taking it back to elementary school......

I came from a small school where the same class stayed together till we hit junior high.  I was a loving, innocent girl that wasn't ready for what I was about to endure.  Once I got into junior high things changed.  It was there I met Mike. (obviously I'm not going to use real names).  To me he was a persistent, good looking and exciting.  He made himself available wherever I went.  He liked me and did whatever it took to get me as his girlfriend.  I knew deep down in side this wasn't the person I wanted, but eventually I caved in.  It was almost as if I was scared of him from the start.  I recognized his violent behavior with classmates or even my close friends that were boys at the time.  He didn't want anyone around me.  I know you're probably thinking "HELLO" "RED FLAG"!  But, I still don't know if I saw it as that? Or if I was just plain scared!  My dad didn't like him from the start.  I remember one time my dad caught him climbing the bricks outside our house to get to my window which was on the second floor!  My dad chased him down the street with a baseball bat as best as he could.  My mom on the other hand adored him.  She was my best friend, so if she thought that his behavior was okay than I thought it was too.  Within the first couple of years I began to witness the violence myself.  Let me remind you that I was only about 14 years of age!  I hadn't even started to discovered who I was as a person.  I think it started with shoves and aggressive grabs.  As it got more frequent it progressed to being strangled or being hit in the head. He would hit me in the head so no marks were visible. I literally would put myself in different place with every occurrence. I couldn't begin to tell you what had happened each and every time.  My mind would literally go blank and I just took whatever came to me.  I felt no pain when I put myself in the blank state of mind.  Just like any abuser you've heard of he was very apologetic.  He always apologized right after. Just like any woman who's been a victim to this type of behavior I believed him.  My close friends began to realize what was going on.  They tried to convince me to break up with him.  But, I truly believed he loved me and that he didn't mean to do things he did. Most of my friends made the decision to stay away and not be around because they cared about me and didn't want to witness my destruction.  Some of them even intervened and told my mom. I knew in my heart that this wasn't right!  This was just the beginning of my powerless journey with abuse. 

Why?

So, you're probably wondering why I want to expose my life on the internet or  "air my laundry".  Well, I want the world to know what I've been through and what changes I made to get to where I am today.  Everyone has problems and there is always going to be someone whose problems are much worse than your own.  Acknowledging others problems is something that gave me the momentum to keep pushing.  But, also realizing that your problem matters is important too.  My life still isn't perfect, but whose is?  There's always room for improvement.

This story is real and is about the struggles I had in an abusive relationship. I hope to get on here everyday and give you "MY PAINTED PICTURE"  on my life and how I got to be who I am today. Because, the truth is what you've been through in life is what makes you the person you are today.